Q(uality-driven non-existent interviewer):
Sir Jason Crage! Please wait a second. Can you send your fans and concubines away so that we could talk about the upcoming tournament? Expectations for your performance are very high.
A(wesome master of death and destruction):
Well met, Quality-driven non-existent interviewer. Yes, I think I can spare a minute. Join me in my burning cursed carriage. Off now, boys and girls. Speak to my servants if you want to join me later. Please, Sir. Do come in.
Q:
This is more comfortable than it looks from the outside. Is that a real eye hanging from the ceiling?
A:
Nice to see you're paying attention. Took that one from a forcemaster. They do so love to hand out eyes, I thought I'd bring one with me. (laughs menacingly) I also wanted to make a curtain from her attire, but they never seem to bring any clothes worth mentioning.
Q:
Speaking of forcemasters, people expect you to masterfully force your way through this tournament. Since, technically, the groups have not been assigned yet, and this interview is as uselesse as it is premature, let us just pretend that these are the final groups. What do you think of the opponents that have been been assigned to you?
A:
I think they are a gift from the dark gods. I enjoy playing against Shark and think it is going to be a groundbreaking battle of endurance, power and cunning. He has unparalleled knowledge of the deeper workings of our world. I hear he even has the power to make creatures with counterstrike count their Bonus dice three times for every attack.
Q:
What do you think of Drefan?
A:
The man is a gardener, not a warrior. Could you hand me the bottle to your left?
Q:
Is that the blood of your enemies?
A:
I'm not a savage. This is wine. Blood needs to be drunk fresh, unless you want it to lose all flavor.
Q:
Pardon my inexperience with the consummation of blood. From red liquids to red dice, do you have any thoughts on your third opponent?
A:
Diaries? Yes, I really hope he plays his God-Paladin. I haven't seen him on any other mages yet and there just might be a chance he actually knows how to play those. (chuckles) Ah, we're there. Please watch your step on the way to the door. The floor actually IS lava in some spots. Careful with the doorknob. It does love the taste of fingertips.
They walk through torchlit corridors into a room with a long table. Demons scurry around and a great hearth sends shadows dancing through the room.
A:
Please, do take a seat. No need to be so suspicious about the meat. It's beef. I fought zzzPAXzzz yesterday and there's been leftovers.
Q:
Can you tell me anything about your preparations for the tournament? Mmh, it has a good taste. But I do have to say it is a bit tough.
A:
Yes, -2. Don't let it charge at you. My preparations mostly come down to a lot of fighting. I'm trying to get a feel for how low my rolls can theoretically get. There's a point where you just assume all your rolls to deal a third of your dice amount in damage and you start playing around that. Playing around "luck" is simple, actually: If your opponents always roll maximum, don't let them roll.
Q:
You truly demonstrate a masterful style, gripping full control of the field and never letting go. Who do you think you'll face in the finals?
A:
I think Keejchen and Juli are very strong. Romeoxero might have a chance, but he's in a group with Keej and Farkas. Juli has it easy, with only Bright Seargeant Yellow Sailor Henry Vulcan Spork, The Champion Of Justice And Reason and two no-names in his group. As long as the judges defend him against getting dragged into an hour-long stubborn discussion, he should win that. As for the fourth group, out of those four, I only know Grimmbart. I really do wonder how the other three will divide places 1 to 3 among themselves.
Q:
Thank you for having me, Sir. That's it for my questions. I wish you good fortune in the battles to come.
A:
Cleganebowl, get hype!
