Oh my...
First:
Drop the Mind Controls, all of them. Yes, I know about Mind Control + Mordok's Obelisk, but it isn't worth it. Why? Things it doesn't work against:
1. Golem Pit builds (very popular at the moment, even without DvN)
2. Any Necromancer build (also very popular at the moment if the forums are anything to go by)
3. Any weenie swarm build
4. Any solo-mage build
You're spending 18 of your points for a weapon that will only work some of the time (even against huge living creatures it will fail to Mind Shield...a level 1 enchantment with a reveal cost of 0, unless you Purge Magic/Seeking Dispel the correct enchantment first). It's way too expensive for such little benefit.
Second:
No Teleport? Only 1 Bear Strength? No Cheetah Speed? No Mongoose Agility (needed because of Charm)? No Battle Fury? No Vampirism?
You're missing a lot of staple spells
Third:
Mana denial doesn't work unless you go all the way. Most of the mana denial spells are in the arcane school, which is why you're more likely to see mana denial wizards than any other type of mage. Perhaps look into that mage if that is the strategy you want to use? The most common Forcemaster builds are variations on 2 big creatures (normally grizzlies or vampires), solo, or with just thoughtspore support.