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Author Topic: Adventures in Maegis University: Enter the Labyrinth Part I  (Read 5303 times)

Sailor Vulcan

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Adventures in Maegis University: Enter the Labyrinth Part I
« on: August 12, 2013, 06:24:22 PM »
Enter the Labyrinth Part I: WELCOME TO YOUR DOOM

Bertha stared up at the small mountain. It was less than a hundred feet tall, much smaller than the majority of mountains. From a distance, it didn't look nearly as tall and intimidating as it did from the base. She didn't see any signs or trails or cave entrances. Was this really the right place? She pulled her student guide out of her bag and looked through it. It still said that the entrance was here somewhere, but it didn't say where.

Maybe she couldn't see the entrance because her psychic abilities weren't strong enough? The guide said that most of the schools were hidden from those who would not live there, which in this case, would be anyone who was not a mind mage.

But Bertha knew that couldn't be right. She had passed the Mind School's entrance exams. So what was going on? She decided she would look around. Maybe there was someone nearby who she could ask for directions.

She started to walk around the perimeter of the mountain. After several minutes of walking she still wasn't seeing anyone there. She was alone.

Bertha took a deep breath to stay calm. Suddenly, something tapped her on the shoulder. She turned around, but there was no one there. She paused. It was probably a random student who believed themself funny, playing tricks on her.

"Hello?" she asked. "How do I get to the Mind School?"

Bertha waited, but no one answered her. After a pause, she continued walking.

The poke on the shoulder was harder this time.

Bertha whipped around, hoping to catch another student running away to hide behind a tree.

There was no one there. Frustrated, Bertha took a deep breath of cool autumn air, then continued walking.

After a few more minutes, she was poked again, this time much harder. She yelped, and spun around to find a horrible visage right in her face. She almost screamed, but instead gulped and force pushed it away from her, and ran.

The invisible stalker gave chase, the crunching of its footsteps on grass and fallen leaves giving away its position even though it could not be seen. As she ran, Bertha thought of how she had considered the possibility that it was an invisible stalker following her, but she had dismissed it, reasoning that such a dangerous creature would not be allowed to roam free on campus unsupervised. Clearly she was wrong.

The stalker was closing in on her. She force pushed it away again. If only she had some sort of weapon. She picked up a sharp-looking twig and telekinetically hurled it at where she thought the invisible stalker was. She completely missed, and the stalker got right up in her face and screeched. "DA**IT!" Bertha screamed, force pushing it away again and continuing to run.

Think! she told herself. The fear caused her mind to move in slow motion, which was NOT GOOD.

If only she knew how to hold creatures in place with her mind. The fact that she had neglected to learn that before nearly caused her to fail her entrance exam, something almost unheard of for Forcemasters in training. She had told herself that she might not need to learn it right away, and that she would pass her entrance exams anyway (which she did). But her procrastination and attention difficulties made it a close call.

Why was she thinking about all this anyway when she was running for her life? Stupid, stupid!

She tripped over a large rock, knocking it away and kicking up dirt that had concealed a picture of a handle on a camouflaged trap door.

Bertha telekinetically pulled it open from where the picture of the handle was, and jumped in, yanking the trap door closed behind her with a force push.

And then she realized that she was falling. The pit she had fallen into was very steep. She had exhausted her concentration and mana reserves from the multiple force pushes she had cast earlier. She had no way to arrest her fall. She looked down. The point where she would land at the bottom of the pit was lit up by torches on the walls. She would know exactly the moment she would die. This was it.

And then she stopped exactly a foot above the ground. She hovered in place for a moment and was then dropped the remaining foot. Her legs gave way and she landed on her butt. She was so shocked that she didn't see the tentacle that had arrested her momentum from a distance disappear behind a rock.

And then the ground began to move slowly downwards. She was on a steel lift.

Great, Bertha thought. My new classmates are hazing me. Well, at least I know I'm in the right place.

She would have smiled if she weren't still recovering from the shock of falling twenty feet.

After about a minute or two, the steel platform she stood on stopped. In front of her was a dark tunnel, and above the entrance was a glowing mana crystal, illuminating words inscribed next to it:

Welcome Freshmage--to your DOOM. The Entrance Exam pales in comparison to the Trial before you. Enter the Labyrinth if you dare.
------------------
Intermission and Author's Note

DUN DUN DUN!

So what do you think of Bertha?

Also, I'm trying to figure out what sort of puzzles and other things should be featured in the Frightening Force Puzzle Challenge. They need to be challenging but also doable by extremely intelligent but very inexperienced mages. I'm considering having the entire challenge (and perhaps the MU mind school itself) be a maze with a mage wand with force push attached located somewhere inside it that each new freshmage will have to find, with mana crystals scattered in random places. I'll also need some hard brain teasers. I'm thinking that maybe some illusions would be good things to have in the challlenge. Suggestions please?

Also, I'm thinking of basing new characters off of spellbooks in the spellbook design and construction section. I hope nobody minds. For instance, the character Bertha is going to (most likely) one day use the Forcemaster spellbook that I designed and haven't posted yet, "Mana Force".
« Last Edit: March 11, 2014, 12:03:46 AM by Imaginator »
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Fenix86

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Re: Adventures in Maegis University: Enter the Labyrinth Part I
« Reply #1 on: February 11, 2014, 01:37:24 PM »
Hey there,

So what kind of feedback are you looking for? I definitely have some notes but not everyone enjoys having their work meticulously critiqued. (especially by a nameless/faceless stranger on the internet). I'm a creative writing major at SFSU and would be more than happy to help you polish your stories up a bit if you're interested. 

Sailor Vulcan

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Re: Adventures in Maegis University: Enter the Labyrinth Part I
« Reply #2 on: February 11, 2014, 05:25:29 PM »
i'm planning to completely rewrite the Maegis University series when there are more mages so the different schools of magic are better developed. Preferably at least 2 kinds of mages in each major school. So far the Mind school and war school only have 1 mage each, which is the least number of mages of any school. Also, I'm thinking I should wait until the story bible of Mage Wars gets released, since at the moment I know little of Sortilegian culture, which is where Maegis University is located. Not to mention that I'm planning for outside historical events to sometimes influence Maegis University.

I am completely okay with criticism as long as it's constructive, which I presume it is. I'm not one of those "don't critique my writing since it is my SOOOOOOUUUUULLL!" people. Not only is that belief pretty inaccurate, those kinds of people probably would have much better writing if they didn't have that attitude, I think. However, perhaps you could try reviewing my parody of the organized play story material and Hetalia: Axis powers. It's called Etheria: Axis Powers--the Dawnlight Compact!
  • Favourite Mage: Salenia Forcemaster
I am Sailor Vulcan! Champion of justice and reason! And yes, I am already aware my uniform is considered flashy, unprofessional, and borderline sexually provocative for my species by most intelligent lifeforms. I did not choose this outfit. Shut up.