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Author Topic: The Steelclaw Teddy Scandal  (Read 5961 times)

Sailor Vulcan

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The Steelclaw Teddy Scandal
« on: January 23, 2015, 04:40:22 PM »
Once upon a time, there was a Queen of Westlock named Theodora Rose, who loved life, and advocated strong diplomatic ties with the Wychwood and Straywood.

During her reign, there was also a clever entrepreneur with a blasphemous sense of humor, who created a line of plush toys that resembled Steelclaw Grizzlies which became wildly popular and spread throughout the land. He named them "Steelclaw Teddies." The entrepreneur's name is unknown to this day. Some say he was a fanatical old druid with no life, others say he was the Lord of Fire himself.

The plush toys had feathers stuffed into them. They weren't from angels. Angels would never give that many of their precious feathers to mortals. They weren't from Victorian Gryffins. Gryffins were too proud to give their feathers to anyone, like, ever. They were from Thunderift Falcons from the Straywood, whose feathers were sometimes given as inexpensive but still precious gifts, and worn in hats throughout Westlock and Sortilege.

When one particularly doey-eyed child went to visit the straywood with his family, he brought his Steelclaw Teddy with him. He died when he tried to hug a real one.

The Straywood were deeply offended by this, and threatened an embargo on Westlock unless this pathetic and dangerous insult to their majestic beasts was completely and permanently eliminated, so that the entirely avoidable catastrophe that befell that poor doey-eyed little tourist would not happen again.

So Queen Theodora decreed that all the Steelclaw Teddies were to be confiscated and destroyed, and never produced again.

Yes, that's right. Westlockian security forces went from household to household, busting in, arresting teddy bears, and executing them without a trial.

These incidents became known as the Steelclaw-Teddy scandal, and the children who'd lost their beloved teddies never had the chance to grow out of them.

*sniffle* I miss you, Teddy.
« Last Edit: July 09, 2015, 06:12:34 PM by Sailor Vulcan »
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I am Sailor Vulcan! Champion of justice and reason! And yes, I am already aware my uniform is considered flashy, unprofessional, and borderline sexually provocative for my species by most intelligent lifeforms. I did not choose this outfit. Shut up.