My initial observations:
14 sbp in just 4 holy cards. That feels like a lot to me. 5 on sunfire amulet alone. You only have two living creatures (3 if you count your mage)- is Hand of Bimshalla worth the cost? I don't know, maybe it is! I've never seen that particular card in any dark mage spellbook. Might wind up working great. Only 1 trick to prevent healing? I'd say add an additional Poison blood or maybe a Deathlock?
17 sbp for holy in this book. I find that it's better to have to the tool you need than an in school alternative. Hand of Bimshalla doesn't come out very often but is a very versatile card. I have it in here to enhance the other passive healing spells in this book. Deathlock would be a death wish in this book. I would be stopping my own healing. With dark pact and mheggeden, the warlock would lose 10 total life. Putting a deathlock out would put me at a pretty big disadvantage. I normally only need 1 poisoned blood which is cast towards the end of the match.
R2 you want to cast and deploy 2 enchanters rings. There is something wrong. What is your real idea here?
I like the idea to gi slaughtering with mhgeddon at your side and use sunfire amulet to work against those -6 life. I have some thoughts for you:
Why is Zombie brute in the book? Yes he is tough, but doesn't fit as good as for example a blood demon.
Why mage staff instead of leash? It's the in school super weapon. Or maybe sectarus. That would help get curses on the enemy.
I'm not sold on enchanters ring. Maybe you don't have the time to enchant so much. What about serseryx as acition support? Or sectarus as mentioned.
Maybe switch a minor heal to vampirism. Healing without further action.
And i guess you need a second dragonscale. You only have one chest armor.
And a second poisoned blood would also help a lot.
Maybe arcane ward could help to secure the important enchantments
These are all things that would fit to my style of play and how I read the book. So maybe you have some different plans that I simply don't see.
The enchanters ring works as a cheap crystal. It helps with the mana economy to ensure I can cast the spell I need when I need it. I have 7 enchants that it can benefit from it. More if I go the enchantment transfusion rout.
Brute is an early body guard. He's cheap but has staying power. He also throws for 6 dice against living damaged creatures. He's a boss in the dark school.
Mage staff is cheaper than the lash and does what I need it to do. The etheral helps this book more than burns. Sbp are the same.
I find that having more than 1 action generator puts you over committed in your strategy. I run the Battleforge and it's normally enough.
I don't like vampirism for its cost and the need to damage living creatures only. Heal will make sure I remove the damage when I need to.
A second dragonscale would be more useful if I didn't have other means for armor.
As pointed out earlier, poisoned blood is only cast when I am finishing the game. No need for a second.
None of the enchantments are super important. I've tried to cram as many options as possible is this book. The idea is to give your opponent something different to deal with each time one is cast.
I would Mhegedden, Sealed Demon turn 1 honestly for his low mana cost then crystal turn 2. Unless that 1 mana is vital to your open.
I like the grey wraith he fill a very nice niche against mages without ethereal damage.
Your enchantments seem a bit to thin for my taste though. Your wanting the game to be over very quick with this build it feels. There is almost no duplication in the build.
Going to sound odd but Sleep seems like it would be a really good addition to this book.
Skeletal Knight over the Dark Pact Slayer? You can heal and he has a dodge with 5 attack dice.
If I start the way with sealed demon (sorry getting tired of going back to find out if I'm spelling mheggeden right) I'm unable to move. I would have to play both sealed demon and the brute in my starting zone. I want to move at least one before I start casting creatures.
Grey wraith is awesome for all dark mages.
I don't want to double up on enchantments. I would rather give the opponent something new to deal with. The idea is to try and throw them off their game. This is definitely an over quick build. Somewhere between round 8-10. Sometimes round 7.
Sleep would be absolutely great. Sadly I'm not sure what to remove for it. I'm up for suggestions on how to get it in this book.
Dark pact simply works better for the warlock because of the blood reaper ability.
I want to thank everyone who has commented so far. My hope is that I was able to better explain the design choices I made. Most of my response are short, I apologize, but I wanted to respond before I headed to work.
It's a very solid book and has won many games. Give it a swing if you're skeptical. If you do, keep in mind that this book can continually build up. You won't get stuck by not having a card to play. There are always options. Also, make sure you play something from you battleforge every round. If the battleforge gets taken out, just play the more expensive pieces (not every round).